I found this day to be a perfect example of my jobless, immigrant, daily routine. It was a small rollercoaster of emotions, all the way from the early morning to the late afternoon when I decided to stop for a moment and reflect on what I managed to accomplish. It wasn’t anything spectacular, in fact, it’s far from that, but it was still a victorious day because I did those little steps, one by one, and they led me toward fulfillment and a spark of happiness.
It was a struggle, though, and this is the reason I decided to write everything down in order not to forget that giving up is not an option. Sometimes we can allow ourselves to let go, to relax for a few minutes, however, I have learned over time how to distinguish tasks that can cause me to be dangerously lazy from the tasks that make me only a little bit lazy. Searching for a job and dealing with pole dance insecurity definitely fit into the first category and today was the day to tackle them in order to become more resilient than I was the day before. I find these struggles to be extremely demanding so every time I manage to overcome them it changes me into a new, different person.
So, the day started with me drinking coffee, talking to my mom, and then struggling to go to the job searching website to review recent job offers. The whole ordeal made my skin crawl with unease, but then I decided to do something different in order to change the assignment and make it less stressful. Instead of going directly to the websites, I visited LinkedIn, searched for the jobs there, and then I looked at what connections I have in various fields of interest. Considering this is a page with a slightly different approach to job searching, the whole experience instantly became less formal and more approachable. I looked at people’s profiles, their interests, and posts, and realized that job hunting can become a means to understanding your own achievements and goals you strive for. For a brief moment, while I was reading about various professionals and their ambitions I also realized how future career reflects on your own strengths and capabilities. The job search, therefore, became more pleasant and certainly more complex than an experience that just makes you feel insecure and scared.
This victory made me realize just how important it is to make little steps of change in a daily routine. The whole process maybe is based on actions that are similar, this is why it is called a routine, however, changing approach when it becomes to difficult to deal with the reality is crucial. You get the same results but the ordeal is far less frightening. I applied the same principle later on when I went dancing on the pole a little bit. I was so scared I won’t be able to do the routine I envisioned, that I won’t be able to film it properly, but then I added a new song to the choreography. I also changed the setting from spinning to static pole, something I don’t really do often, and only then did I try to move. It wasn’t easy, but the change worked. It challenged me in an unfamiliar manner, and I got inspired just from that alone. Why would I limit myself to only a certain type of test? Obligations are not here just to scare us, they also have an assignment and that is to help us. If we face them and encourage them, that is.